On Being a Future Daddy

In late August, I found out I was going to be a Papa...but I had to keep it quiet until 2 days ago. This entry will reveal how I felt in the moment.

My wife, Hilary comes out of the bathroom, holding the test and it says: "Pregnant" on the little digital screen. She kind of has this half smile, nervous laugh going on. I look at the little word and get super excited! I was like a monkey with sugar. I grabbed my cell phone and tried to take a picture of the work pregnant...too dark. So I grabbed the camera and tried again to no avail.

Then after all the excitement of calling family and revealing how awesome it is to have the feeling that I will be a dad, something hit me. It was this crushing feeling of responsibility. It was a new, awkward feeling I've NEVER felt before. But I found myself questioning: "Am I good enough to be a Daddy? Am I old enough? Am I responsible enough? Will I still be able to do this, or that? Will I be selfish or will I be selfless? Will the baby even like me? Will we be able to afford a baby? "

These thoughts sort of crushed me and I remember staying up a little later that night to ponder what kind of a Father I would be. I like to read, write, stay up, sleep in. I love to spend alone time with my wife, God and friends. I enjoy time to myself, with the X-Box 360 or a movie. This will change everything. The time I spend doing all of the things listed above will shift. As I thought these things, I remembered how selfless Christ was. How he moved from the right hand of God (Supreme Comfort), lived as a human for 33 years, suffered and died...for me. It was there I decided that I will do my very best to be a selfless Daddy and Husband. Believe me, I know I will fail...I have no delusions of grandeur, but in the end, I know it will be worth every moment!

As I think about it right now, I wish I could hold that little bean in my arms right now! I am still very excited to be a father, I just wanted to admit that I am a bit scared too. I want to be the best Daddy I can, portraying for my kids the best possible picture of a Daddy I can, so when they learn about God the Father, their Abba...they won't have a SUPER distorted view, but an easy to grasp image of God as Father.

The road to fatherhood so far has been ponderous, but as soon as the Baby is here, I am well aware that pondering must cease and action must begin!