Not that Type of Christian

I work part-time at Chili's. Everyone there knows I am a pastor. I've prayed with people, I've given hard truth to some of my Christian co-workers and I've had great chances to share my faith.

The other day, I received one of the BEST comments from a non-Christian I've ever received. He said: "You're not the normal type of Christian, that's why I like you and listen to you". Those words came from my General Manager (GM).

We were talking about faith, swearing, sex and the like. He asked my opinions on all of those subjects. He openly refuted what I was saying and I simply said: "This is what's true. I know it to be true because I've experienced it, lived it and learned it. I'm not going to make you believe what I believe by cramming it down your throat. I'm not out to win an argument, but I want to win your heart". This is what caused him to say: "You're not the normal type of Christian, that's why I like you and listen to you"

Normally I don't put up posts that seemingly pat myself on the back and I don't mean to do that with this post. I simply want to make a point.

He then described to me all the Nyack College and ATS (Alliance Theological Seminary) students whom he had discussed theology with in the past. He said they all wanted to argue until they won. He said he would refute them until he was blue in the face and eventually, they all walked away angry that he wasn't listening to them or being won over by there amazing apologetic skills.

I told my GM that God convicted me of such Faith proclamations and asked me to seek out the persons heart rather than seeking a notch on my belt for winning yet another argument. I told him I desire to live my faith, not just argue for it. God has asked me to be a person who openly lives his faith and loves those around him (even if they refute what I say).

My GM then said: "You do that. That's why I like talking with you. I know I can't get a rise out of you. I hope we can continue to talk about this stuff."

Earlier, I said I want to make a point. Here it is: this is the type of evangelism/apologetic that must be adopted to meet the hunger for God that is prevalent within this generation. Not being "that type of Christian", but being different.

The World needs a group of people that seek to live their faith, not just argue for it.

Again, I am not saying I am the "poster boy" for this. In fact, this was ONE good story among plenty of HORRIBLE ones where I totally killed the gospel for people because I argued and bickered with them about how I was right and they were wrong. In those moments I didn't care to even HEAR them.

How can we teach our teens about the importance of living our their faith? How can we share with them that it is only through the Holy Spirit that this type of living is possible? How can we disciple our teens into surrendering their lives to Christ? These are all tough questions that we as Youth Pastors wrestle with EVERY day! I hope we can all encourage one-another to seek out these answers so we can see God use this generation to ignite a passion for His name!

(I posted this on my Youth Min Blog, but thought I'd share here too)

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Learning to be a Better Pastor

Pastor means Shepherd. I am a Youth Pastor, which means I am called to Shepherd those crazy people who find themselves in the teen years. This encompasses many "fun" new life challenges, which include but are not limited to: puberty, Spiritual understanding, the thought of invincibility, the lack of self-assurance, the entrance of most sexual confusion, the entrance of self actualization, the start of real independence and a deeper desire to figure out the "why's" of discipline.

This is my calling...the Shepherd these teens. Not only am I called to assist them during these tough life challenges, but most importantly, I am called to direct them to The Father. I am called to bring forth Christ. I am called to lead them in Spiritual Formation, self understanding and a deeper understanding of God and His Word.

Here's what I've learned and will never let go of: I can only lead them as far as I have gone myself.

A Shepherd is foolish to take a flock down a hill, road or path that he himself has not yet traveled. He doesn't know the way. He doesn't know the terrain. He doesn't even know if there are dangers ahead.

I need to constantly follow God down new paths. Pave new avenues so I can grow in MY understanding of God, so in turn I can be used by the Holy Spirit to guide people closer to the Father. If I read the same devotional book again and again for years and NEVER venture to something new, fresh and anointed...I will not be doing myself, or my flock justice. Can I continue to read the same thing? Yes...but not to the detriment of reading, or experiencing new things.

I'm learning to go DEEPER with the Lord. I'm learning to dig into Scripture in places I've never dug. I'm understanding that this is most importantly for myself and God to connect closer, but also so I can lead these teens who have so much baggage down a deeper road with the Lord.

A shepherd can only lead their flock down roads they've already tread and no further. If I desire or expect my teens to grow...I should be growing too!

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Youth Ministry 3.0 (Post 2)

As I stated in my first post on this book (HERE), I am going to unpack further some of the ideas that Marko opens up in his book: Youth Ministry 3.0.

Today, I will deal with two: 1. Getting small; 2. Belonging.

Marko contends (rightly, I believe) that in order to meet this new wave of Youth Ministry, we have to have a "get small" attitude. This is a MAJOR shift within Youth Ministry, because it's has been (in the YM 2.0 mode) all about GETTING BIG!

I remember when I was a student doing things that were called: B.E.O (code for Big Event Outreach). These were the big deal outreaches where you get kids in, throw Jesus at them ad hope they come back. There was TONS of money spent, tons of hours planing and tons of people invited. The bigger, the better was the mindset. It was programming for the sake of programmimg in a lot of ways.

Sadly, what ended up happening was it seemed disingenuous, fake and all about numbers. Marko states in YM 3.0 that this obsession with numbers must CEASE.

I believe he's RIGHT. All this obsession with numbers has hurt Youth Ministry rather than help. It has caused Youth Leaders to be depressed, arrogant and jealous. It has caused the focus of Jesus to be transformed into productivity. It has taken the role of importance from kids knowing, loving and living for Jesus into getting bigger, better numbers of people into the ministry.

Getting small would help down the road of true discipleship as well as create a place where belonging can be felt.

When I asked my Sunday School class of Sr. & Jr. High boys: "Where do you feel you belong...or in other words where do you feel most like YOU?" I received tons of good answers. One kid said: "with my music friends, doing music". Another said "with my fourth period friends" still another said "stage crew". Lastly one student said "At lunch with my lunch friends". I guarantee that you'd have similar answers if you asked the question.

We NEED to notice something about these responses...does anyone see it? OK, I'll help you...they are all...SMALL GROUPS!

Getting small, creating ways to be small in a BIG group will help bring students into a place where they can say: "I Belong". The students didn't say "At School, with everyone" or "With everyone at church" they said micro-groups of certain people. If we're honest...we'd have a similar response ourselves. We feel belonging in smaller places...less places to get hurt..less places to have people know our business and less places to be truly known.

I will continue to unpack this stuff. However, I ask you, the reader whether you are teen, youth pastor, youth leader or none-of-the-above to interact with this. Tell me what you think....good, or bad...I want to know!

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Youth Ministry 3.0

I've finally read Marko's Manifesto of Youth Ministry. I've read snippets, interacted with blips (Youth Ministry---What Must Die) and enjoyed what I've read of Marko's ideas for his book Youth Ministry 3.0.
Now, having read the book entire, I want to share, work through and interact with the content. Being it's a "manifesto" this will take more than one post to do it the justice it deserves.

Marko's main premise is that Youth Ministry has been through three different "epochs" or phases in it's history and we are now in the third epoch: Youth Ministry 3.0. He describes his premise well and each epoch in quick succession, giving the reader a firm historical grounding for his new ideas for this third epoch and why we need to embrace, understand and work within it. What I enjoyed most about this book was it's direct approach to the matter of Youth Ministry. There was no attempt by Marko to sound eloquent or smart by adding extra chapters. He kept it frank, to the point and very concise. His book felt a lot like Phyllis Tickle's The Great Emergence in this. Both books are shorter than 150 pages, but are packed with great information that needs to be added to our lives in ministry NOW.

I think one of the most amazing things about this book is the interaction Marko got BEFORE publishing and while writing! Most guys don't do this...they like their own thoughts too much. Here Marko shows not only his humility but his willingness to collaborate with other Youth Workers in order to design the best possible description of this new wave: YM 3.0. I was sad only because I couldn't add my "two-sense" to the mix. I didn't start following his blog until the book was already in the works of publishing. However, I am grateful for this act. It also shows we as youth workers can't be on our own islands. Even Marko, the President of YS admits he needs help from other youth workers...what makes us think we can handle this new wave alone?

Before I continue to write, let me define (as Marko does) what Youth Ministry 3.0 is. Youth Culture has shifted. There are three main things that Youth have needed and still need today, each epoch has had its own focus however. YM 1.0 was Identity, 2.0 was Autonomy and 3.0 is Affinity (belonging). Marko states that we must understand that teens are looking for belonging. The old mind-set for YM (numbers driven, crazy BIG) must be left behind and the new mind-set (creating a space for small, intimate belonging) must be introduced and used.

I will unpack this further in my next post(s). Know that this book is definitely worth the read for ALL Youth Workers. It is informative, insightful and in my opinion right on! I did a "test" this Sunday by opening up the question at Sunday School: "Where do you feel you most BELONG?" and it was encouraging to say the least.

*GO HERE for the second post!*

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Youth Ministry-- What MUST Die (Cont.)

*If you haven't read "Youth Ministry-- What MUST Die" please do so before continuing*

I agree with Mark Oestreicher and Mark Driscoll when they talk about belonging. Mark O. wrote a quick article in Group Magazine recently about the new Youth Cultures needs and at the top of the list is belonging. Mark Driscoll in his book The Radical Reformission discusses how the old pattern of evangelism was: " Know Jesus, then belong" but today we need a new way or "Reformission" as Mark calls is that looks like this: "Belong, then know Jesus".

Killing the old way of evangelism and adopting what I am calling "pre-evangelism" does just that: allows the teen to BELONG first. This is what they need and this is how Jesus did ministry.

Take a look at the story of Zacheus for example. He belonged to no one. He was a Jew who stole from Jews by working for the Romans. He wasn't a Roman but a dirty Jew. He had no one to claim him. One day, as he's fighting to see Jesus, he climbs a tree. Jesus walks by and gives him immediate belonging. He invites himself over for lunch! While already belonging with Jesus, just being with him in relationship causes Zacheus to change. He (during the meal with Jesus) tells how he's going to give back all he's stolen.

Take another look at a different story. The woman caught in adultery. The men drag her out of the bedroom where she was committing adultery (why didn't they grab the man too??), throw her before Jesus and demand justice. This woman has no belonging. She is unloved and unwanted by everyone. She is just a whore to the world. Jesus protects, defends and loves her and in an instant gives her belonging. After all her "haters" walk away, then Jesus tells her to leave her life of sin.

The stories go on and on about how Jesus used this type of evangelism; the woman at the well received belonging just by Jesus breaking a couple "cultural barriers". The list is numerous all making the same point that Christ didn't always have a huge crowd to preach to, he simply brought Himself to people, went to parties and was present and that was enough.

This change in outreach is by no way easy. It wasn't for me. I constantly questioned is this the right way Lord? Am I blaspheming? I always struggled with giving a quick "Jesus talk" or not during an event. I also got blow back from the Church parents and rightfully so. It was then I deeply studied how Jesus did ministry and was confirmed within my spirit from His that this was the right course for this time. I shared this with the parents in my ministry and some of my biggest critics became my biggest cheerleaders. It took a year and a half to get my Church kids seeing the value in it and then owning it. It put a lot of pressure on the kids that knew Christ. They had to step up and decide to truly live Christ-centered lives...and they did! They stepped up and owned it, as did my leaders. So, don't hear me saying this is a cake walk...but it is needed.

I am thankful for Mark O. and Mark D. for hearing God's voice on these issues and then writing about them. I've been practicing these principles before I read their books, but God has confirmed again through them that this is a good, new, necessary path for Youth Ministry.

Thanks Guys!

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Youth Ministry-- What MUST Die

I've been in Youth Ministry as a student, leader and now pastor for 13 years. I've experienced tons, both as a student and as a leader. I've seen things work and things fail. I've done some amazing things that students loved and I've done some stupid things that students hated. I've also noticed a shift in ministry. Many have talked about the depth of the change such as MarkOstreicher in his book: Youth Ministry 3.0, Andrew Root in his book: Revisiting Relational Youth Ministry and Mark DeVries in his book: Sustainable Youth Ministry. All of which give amazing insight on what we need to do as Youth Ministries to shift with this change.

Once such change we need to make is the way we approach Outreach. There's a new buzzword: "Pre-Evangelism" that I've been implementing into my Youth Ministry. It may not be a buzzword anywhere else, but here in NY it works. It has worked so well, that I've seen many students come to Christ through this effort. I will share one students story so you can see the effect I'm talking about. But before, I want to define it for you.

Most outreach events look like this: BIG event, where we encourage all of our teens to invite other non-church teens. Sometimes we trick them into bringing more non-churched friends by saying things like: if you bring 5 or more friends your name will be put into a raffle to win an iPod (not a good idea BTW, I'll discuss this later). So, we have all these new teens we try to impress by our BIG event. We have an over-abundance of food, prizes and fun activities. THEN, it happens. We have a worship time and a speaker (as big a speaker as our budget will allow) and he tells these heathen kids about Jesus and how they need to be saved.

This approach has worked in the past! I'm not saying it was never effective, but now it isn't. Many people asked me why I think this is ineffective. Here's why: it comes off as disingenuous, fake and scam-like. Teens were invited by their friends who didn't want to really bring them but wanted and iPod (that's why it's bad), some of these teens were extra "add-ons" by the people who invited them so they could meet the 5 person quota (another reason why the raffle thing is a bad idea). Then it was marketed to these "friends" as a BIG event with tons of fun. When they get to the event, they feel tricked, because no one mentioned a time of worship or a speaker. These teens are so put off by the trickery of it, they tune out the speaker and never want to come back to your group. Do kids come to know Christ this way? YES! Is there a better way to not only bring them into the Kingdom, but to get them closer to Jesus? YES!

The "Pre-Evangelism" approach would be a similar event (or a simple movie night, x-Box tourney or the like), without the 5 friend quota raffle and without the worship and speaker time. You are probably thinking: "take out Jesus? Take him out of the equation? Are you nuts? That's blasphemy!"

The thing is this: the friends that were invited are going to be closer friends to the teens doing the inviting. These teens then walk through the doors of a safe-God centered place and feel comfortable. They don't feel tricked. They then go away with a good time all the while hanging out with Christians. This type of event breaks the stigma that all Christians are boring freaks. And Jesus is NOT out of the equation, because the friends that brought them are Jesus-Followers who are now demonstrating how to have a good time, while being Jesus-Like.

This then gives this teen a RELATIONSHIP with You, the other Youth Group teens and the church itself. That teen now trusts you and WILL come back.

The student I mentioned earlier came to a movie night...where we JUST watched a movie. He realized that this place was safe, the students liked him, talked to him and encouraged him to come back to regular youth group where they told him about the talk time so he wouldn't be surprised (This is key! They need to know if they come back what they will experience). HE CAME BACK! He felt so loved and comfortable that he said he couldn't NOT come back. He began engaging with the talk time, asking questions about faith, love and Jesus. He began reading the Bible, doing devotions and seeking God on his own! His family didn't like him coming because they are strong Catholics and they were noticing a change in their boy. YET HE CAME BACK! He loved baseball and his parents gave him an choice: Youth Group or baseball. He CHOSE YOUTH GROUP! That one event changed this kids life and all we did was create a safe environment for him to come and be loved on. He has since given his life to Christ and felt a call to Ministry!

He's only one story out of many in our ministry who has been effected by this "pre-evangelism" approach. It's intentional relationship building. It's authentic, upfront and meaningful. We need to kill the trickery that goes into evangelism...teens see through it and despise being tricked. They desire authentic people, not phonies and when we "trick them into Jesus" they feel lied to and it perpetuates the churches name of being "phony" even if we had the best intentions.

Remember, this "pre-evangelism" event can be a simple movie night, bowling night, or basketball night. It doesn't have to be big budget stuff. You could plan it for next week even. I truly believe that in order to see un-churched teens walking through our doors, we need to change the way we do things. This is just one simple change in outreach approach that I've seen go a long way for both our churched teens and un-churched teens!

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Teens and Sexting

Teens and sexuality has been a topic for decades. The latest fad of teen sexual expression has been a fad that has been around for at least 2 years. SEXTING. I've been talking about this issue with my youth leaders for well over a year, and the problem has only grown. With the ease of text messaging, we've seen teens flocking to texting. You can text in school and not get caught, texting plans can be cheaper than regular plans and teens seem to do all of their communication in 140 characters or less. Sexting is the sending nude or semi-nude photos of oneself via text messaging. A way of having "safe sex" via texting if you will. This lie of it being safe has been one of the many reasons why teens have been sucked into it.

Being a Youth Pastor, I'm not naive enough to think my students are doing it...in fact I would guess that at least 10% have done it or have seen it done (that is a MODEST estimation).

With the inception of text-plans, sexting has increased dramatically and sadly it is a fad that has only increased in appeal and use.

You may have heard of Vanessa Hudgens sending nude photos of herself to her boyfriend via e-mail...that event in my mind served as a huge catalyst that only PERPETUATED this problem. In fact I would argue that her decision to do that opened the doors of young teen girls everywhere to thinking it's OK. Here a young TV/movie star, sending out nude photos of herself, getting publicity for it and boys across America googling her nude photo could in fact seem attractive to young teen girls who are uncomfortable in their skin, seeking the approval of boys.

The affect on teen boys and the way they relate to their girlfriends after this event is also a big issue. I can only too well hear teen boys saying: "Hey Vanessa send nude photos to her boyfriend. We've been dating a month now...if you loved me, you'd text me some too!"

I'm NOT being over-dramatic either, I'm being serious! The things that celebrities do, shapes the way teens live their lives.

I'm sad to see that teen girls are giving in and teen guys are putting pressure to sext. This will have HUGE implications on our teens in the coming future. The porn industry is probably cheering this on, because soon these boys and girls who weren't meant to see a nude body yet, will soon desire more. They will want to see girls/guys masturbating, having live sex and it will skyrocket the use of pornography in our country 10-fold. More infidelity will slowly creep into the picture, more sex, more babies and more STD's.

This is the problem we face. How can we answer these issues? What can we do to fight this battle as parents/youth leaders/ youth pastors? I think it starts with trust. Can we cultivate with these teens an atmosphere of trust where they will willingly discuss these issues with us? I think we need to dialogue with CLEAR heads about these issues. I think the worse thing to do is to sneak in and find the pictures, the ground the teen from here till eternity. It's hard to not snap and go crazy. If a teen would've said to me: "I sexted my boyfriend/girlfriend. He/she saw all of me and it was fun!" I would have the definite urge to flip-out, tell the parents, call the cops and break his/her cell phone right there! Punishment will be a NECESSARY piece to this puzzle, but dialogue is just as important if not more important. Teens need to know the dangers, implications and the future results of such behavior.

How do we do that? I want this blog to be an open forum of discussion on this. It is HUGE. How can we punish, yet dialogue about sexting and other teen sexuality problems? How can we share with teens the importance of chastity, both in the act of and in this fad of texting?

Here are some GREAT articles about sexting. Please read them so you can further your nowledge on this issue facing teens today:

http://cpyu.org/Page.aspx?id=366143

http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/2008/11/25/sexting/


PS: You can Google "sexting" and tons more articles will appear. LET'S DISCUSS!

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House of Dark Shadows: A Book Review

This book for me is a bunch of mixed feelings. First off, it's not my normal genre of reading, yet it definitely piqued my interest. Let me start with what I didn't like, then I will tarry down the road of what I liked.
The author Robert Liparulo in my opinion works to hard to fit "teen-lingo" into this book. I am a Youth Pastor, so I hang out with teens A LOT and I believe they would agree with me on this point. The tee-lingo which was placed in the book seemed un-natural and forced. The teen who was the video "gamer" only played his PSP 2 or 3 times, neither did he use any "gamer" terms, which if you're going to identify someone as a gamer, they better speak "gamer". Also, the use of "teen words" where they were placed almost seemed like the author was begging for a connection, as if to say the story wasn't engaging enough (which I believe in and of itself it was). If the author was writing this to fit a 14-17 year old, he missed his mark, however if he were attempting to reach a younger teen audience of the 9-12 range, I think his usage of teen words would make that pre-teen feel cool, or "apart of" the story because the misuse of teen words, or plugs for the PSP would excite them rather than turn them off. I am not entirely sure this was his motivation or even his target age.
The story as a whole was engaging despite the misuse of teen-lingo. The premise of a house that has portals to different worlds is inviting and exhilarating. There were points where I couldn't put the book down because I had to know what was coming next. The story was well thought out and planned as I am sure the whole series is (this is book 1 in a 3 part series). The characters for the most part are believable and real. The many twists and turns that this book takes the reader on are fun as well as completely unexpected (especially the ending where...oh I'm not telling you!). Maybe I am a bad suspense reader, but I honestly couldn't foresee the outcome.
Lastly, I enjoyed the book. It was an easy read but very intriguing, engaging and fun. If I had a tween (10-13 yr. old) I would hand them this book, knowing they'd enjoy it! To check it out for purchase or for extra information, go here: http://www.thomasnelson.com/consumer/product_detail.asp?sku=1595544941

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God, the Shaker and Mover

God is TRULY doing a work in our Jr. High Youth Ministry! As you've read by my blog, the CRAZINESS that we've been experiencing has been a wild ride. However, I've learned to see that if you allow God to strengthen you during the wild ride, there is a HUGE payoff at the end!
Before I give some great news about Wednesday Night, I want to give some background into our Jr. High Ministry as of late. This is probably the MOST attended youth night we have as well as the MOST non-Christian attended. One week, I counted off 25 Jr. High teens and all but 5 were from non-Christian homes (most had parents who've NEVER been to church...EVER). We were still missing approx. 5 of our regular teens this night too! Well, as you can imagine, this many teens who've come from un-churched, non-Christian homes has been a bit of a challenge. There has been tons of talking during the lesson and tons of "he said, she said" fighting that goes on. One week, I had hit my limit and wandered what God was doing and if I was good enough for this calling. The very next week is when I hit something I didn't expect...I gave a teeny bit of my life's story and the teens were silent, listening to every word dripping off of my tongue. They loved the connection of my life to the Scriptures. Now, I'm a student of Youth Culture, and I know teens connect WAY more with personal stories, yet for some reason I never utilized it the way I did this one week.
Well, I prayed about this effect and since our Month's theme was: The Quest (Our Journey Towards God), I felt like this Wednesday, God wanted me to give my full testimony (which is pretty intense, I will Blog about it sometime soon). I did indeed give my full testimony and the teens again were intensely listening to what I was saying (something that doesn't often happen for the full 20 minute talk). God was moving in their hearts and when we moved to Small Groups (which I do every week after the talk, so the teens can then interact with the lesson together), God showed up in a BIG way. As a side note, the greatest fun during this time, was that one of our Sr. Highers (Ty Walker) was leading the small group discussion and he did great! When Ty got to the question of "Do you want to Go on this Quest towards God" 3 kids raised their hands, asked how they could and then PRAYED TO RECEIVE CHRIST! It was flippin' sweet and so much more sweet that a Sr. Higher was able to get these Jr. Highers to this point. I praise God for what he's doing!

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