In the last installments of Urban Life, Urban Life #2, we looked at some normative reasons for cross-cultural conflict. This post will look at the last few reasons. This is Part 3 of a 4 part series on Cross-Cultural Conflict, the last installment will be about how we can handle these normative reasons for conflict and allow for better, more effective cross-cultural relations.
Time
Another
normative reason for conflict is time.
Many cultures do not look at time the same way in which we do. In the West we are an “on time or 15 minutes
early” culture, this is in no way the norm for two-thirds of the world. Having people in cross-cultural relationships
can cause tension with time if they are unaware of the differences. In my own
life, I have experienced events that happened to me that made me realize this
fact, I share one below
About
5 years ago, one of my good friends asked me to be in his wedding. I gratefully accepted and drove about 1.5
hours to his wedding Friday Night. On
Saturday morning, we groomsmen all got ready for the big day with our friend
Craig (the groom). Once we were ready,
we headed out to make sure everyone was on time and getting ready as well. As we were coming closer to the time of the
wedding, we all started looking for the bride’s grandma. The wedding was about
to start in 5 minutes and still no grandma; the bride’s uncle headed to grandma's room
to check on her. When he returned, he
stated that Grandma was in the shower and would be right out. All of us Western folks cringed and strongly
rejected this to be true. How could she
be in the shower? That’s when the bride
took us all aside and shared that her Mexican Grandma always takes the starting
time as the time to begin getting ready and she (the bride) should have
remembered that fact.
Time
is relative to your culture, even though that sounds ludicrous to us
Westerners, it’s a fact of life for many of the two-thirds world. My Black friends have similar time issues and
are usually late for meetings, appointments, and even church. When I asked my
friend about this, he said: “it’s CPT (Colored People Time) my brother it’s not
you, it’s just my culture”. At first I
thought this was a convenient excuse to be late but as I got to know my friend
who I now consider a true brother I knew this was not the case, his clock was
just simply set to a different time than mine due to the culture with which he
grew up.
The
Gospel
Originally,
this was not one of the normative reasons for conflict I was going to write
about, but after reading Cross Cultural
Conflict I realized that if I were going to position this paper at dealing
with cross-cultural conflict in a church perspective, this better be in
there. Again, I am amazed at my
assumptions. I arrogantly thought that I
had an advantage at the idea of cross-cultural work because of where I am
positioned. Do I have experience here? Yes, but my experience hasn’t been broad
enough to span the full scope of the issue…not even close!
My
assumption was that each culture hears the message of God in similar ways. Yeah sure there had to be minor tweaks here
and there in order to be understood and heard but to completely over-haul the
tactic in which one shares the gospel? I
thought it unnecessary. Elmer again
pointed to my arrogance: “When Westerners are trying to communicate the gospel
to people who are sensitive to shame, they need to shift gears and express
biblical truths differently from what they have been used to” (Elmer, 1993, pg.
138). This hit me pretty hard as it
shattered my long held assumption and the funny part is that I had no idea this
blind-spot in my intercultural mindset was even there.
Further
in the reading of Elmer he says: “This tactic [personalizing John 3:16] is
effective in an individual culture, where personalizing is important and
understood. In group-oriented societies,
though, focusing on an individual can be dangerous-especially if such focus
exposes shame, failure or shortcoming” (Elmer, 1993, pg. 138). This was harder to take because I realized I
always personalized John 3:16, I don’t ever remember using it as a
group-oriented discussion piece. We have to
change the way we think and preach as people of Faith in Jesus hoping to reach
multi-ethnic people, we simply can’t leave these blind spots vulnerable.
Most of this series is based off of a research paper that was done
on the topic of Cross-Cultural Conflict, yet as we seek to look at Urban
Life together, I think these findings are key to understanding why
sometimes our interactions with others of different cultures can and
will cause conflict. When you talk about Urban Life you are talking
about different people congregating in one small area, so, we must learn
how to interact well with one another.
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