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    Monday, November 10, 2008

    What is God doing?

    You know that place where you are asking God for an answer and all you receive is a still silence? The place where your insides are screaming to know the answer to a dangerous question and God's silent? That frustrating "wait" moment that God places you in? Yeah...I'm there! In a previous blog titled Wished I Had and Ephod, I explained how I wished I had that mystical and Biblical device to discern God's will...and yes, I still wish I had one!
    The place of waiting for me is the HARDEST place to be. I, by my very nature am a creature of "RIGHT NOW!" My Father used to say I had a problem with "instant gratification" which means I felt like needed what I wanted right in the moment I wanted it. It was so bad that one year as a High School SENIOR, I pre-viewed all the DVD's I bought my family for Christmas...yea that means I watched them all, then gave them away as gifts! No joke. It was Christmas Day and my family was opening there presents and every one one from me was a DVD, without the wrapping around it. No one said anything about it, until my Dad opened his. He looked at it and asked outright: "What's going on with the DVD's Marvin?". I tried to think of something clever that would make sense like: "Well Dad, I know how much the wrapping bugs all of you and I know how the security tape is annoying, so I took the liberty of unwrapping it all for you!" Yet, my wit wasn't up to par so I decided honesty. The story is told and re-told every Christmas...

    This (the DVD pre-veiwing Marv) is the innate Marv that is banging on the walls wanting God to dish out his secrets. People have been telling me that the moments of "waiting" are the defining moments of growth, patience and testing. We see ourselves grow and change in these moments. I must say that all I can see is my total depravity and utter dependence upon myself through this time. I keep trying to figure it all out. I keep trying to look for signs in the circumstances. I keep pushing, yet all of it comes out to nothing! I know that no matter what God does, I will be taken care of. I know that no matter what God does I will not need to worry and it will be perfectly that which he has for me...yet I still desire to know. I think the Psalmist had this same dealing, that's why he wrote:

    "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."
    Psalm 27:13-14)

    I know I will see the Goodness of my God. It's not easy to get a constant: "WAIT" when in prayer with the Lord, but even though it SUCKS, I know God has a reason for it. I hate waiting, I really do. I still (selfishly) wish I could have an Ephod (please Lord?) but this is where God has me and if He says wait, I know for sure that it's right where he wants me to be (even if it's NOT where I want to be). So, what is God doing? I don't have a clue, but I know I will see His GOODNESS, and no matter what may be down your road, you can trust and know that you too will see his Goodness.