Having a son has made me reflect a lot, mostly internally on what it means to be a father. It's helped me see in myself my own selfishness, which is complete and utter sin.
Being a daddy has also helped me sense, experience and think about God in a whole new way. He has revealed himself more times than I can count in the short time I've been a dad and I love it!
One of those moments was on a recent "Daddy Day" that MJ and I had together. Hilary has been working on Mondays, so little buddy and I hang out all day on Mondays. About a week ago, he and I were having our day together when we went to the playground to play. I usually let him loose and let him walk all by himself to the playground where he begins to play on the plastic slide, the little plastic tube and pretends to drive the car with the metal steering wheel that pops out of the plastic wall.
Before we got to the gate, MJ runs back over to me and raises his right arm to me. This was a new gesture for me, so I looked at his little hand sticking in the air and finally realized he wanted me to hold his hand!
Not to be overly sappy but this hit me in a profound way where I almost started to cry. He wanted his daddy to hold his hand and lead him to the playground. He didn't want to go it alone and he wasn't afraid or embarrassed to lift his little hand and ask me to hold it as I guided him into the play area.
The sad thing is, I forgot all about this story until just now. I didn't tell Hilary about it because I forgot it. As I remembered it, I vowed I would write it down because it was an extremely touching Father to Son moment.
He has since done it to me a couple times (usually he does it to Mommy) and each time, it warms my heart. Being entrusted with this little munchkin as my responsibility is daunting at times but rewarding all the time. I am called to be a steward of my sons heart. His heart ultimately belongs to Jesus, not me so I am asked for this short time before he grows up to guard that little heart, protect it and grow it up in the way in which it should go.
I'm lucky, because I have an amazing, beautiful and wonderful woman who can do and does more than I do with him. Hilary loves that boy so much and it is such a joy to watch her interact with him and see his little smile light up when he sees her and plays with her.
This is my family, this is my home! God has blessed me with such amazing family members that I'm blown away by His grace. It blows my mind to think that so many "dads" are out there neglecting and ignoring their children. Is it hard sometimes? Yes. Is all that worth it? ABSOLUTELY! Men who walk away from their children are childish punks who shouldn't be having sex.
OK, I should stop before I write another post on that...
Fatherhood is amazing and a blessing to me. I wouldn't trade it for the world!