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    Friday, December 12, 2008

    A Swift Kick in the BUTT

    Recently, I've been re-reading an amazing book titled: A Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards. I was told I needed to re-read it by a great friend and mentor, because he noticed that I could use the lessons the books teaches yet again. In total fairness, he's 100% correct. I was in the wrong on something and he called me out on it. I both hate and love it when he does this. I hate it because my biggest fear in life has been doing the wrong thing which stems from a need to please people, which God is also calling out of me. However, I also love it, because I know the end result of being called out on your crap will always lead to a healthier me. Which translates into a better man of God, husband, youth pastor and friend. The process of working it through can definitely be an arduous and odious task...but it is all worth it in the end.

    Anyways, back to the book. I am half-way through it already (only 96 pages not a feat to be recognized) and have been challenged both in what my friend was discussing with me and in many other ways.

    This quote I read the other night was a swift kick in the butt for me: "What does the world need: Gifted men, outwardly empowered? OR broken men, inwardly transformed?"

    This quote rocked me in two ways: the first, I've been dealing with for about 3 years now. I like to think of myself as someone who will be big someday. I think inwardly that I'm the man, a great communicator and someone important. I want everyone to like me and when someone doesn't I brush them off as stupid, because how could the not like "this" (points to self). You may say that's horrendous, you may be appalled and I say: "I am too, that's why I'm working on it". I know I am an arrogant man who probably doesn't have talent, who needs to be smacked upside the head a couple times and realize he's small-time chump-change. This reality is a difficult one for me (I am being 100% genuine and admitting this is hard for me), because I desire to be someone of importance...even if I'm not skilled enough a piece of me hopes the world won't notice, so I can have some fun in the sun of the spotlight.

    This quote rocked me, because it pinpointed the SIN, and the PROBLEM within my own heart with these desires (Jim, I hope you're reading this). I had no desire for my heart to be transformed...simply my outward gifts. I wasn't asking God: "Change my heart" and if I was it came with the end tag line of "...so I can be somebody Big someday". My desires have had nothing to do with transformation of my heart to his, but simply everything to do with being somebody.

    The second way it kicked my BUTT is that it made me come to the point of saying to God: I want a broken, transformed heart for the sole purpose of being inwardly transformed. I desire what YOU want for my life, not what I want for my life.

    Just so you know, I am in the process of being BROKEN...so this book and this quote are timely for me. I think my friend and mentor knew that too, thus why he told me to re-read it. My life is being flipped upside down and it's hard. However, pray with me that I will allow God to use this time to call my crap out and make my heart inwardly transformed!